On some days the little girl of my heart can easily hop into the sphere of rejoicing that the adult may have in the now. But on the more important ones, those days when the heart battles so hard with keeping it in or letting it out… Sometimes I wish it was that easy to fall into the conclusion that- “Well, what can we do.” On better days, on the less significant ones maybe, both the little girl and the adult can get by with these simple words: “Your Nanay must be so happy for you/proud of you.” But on days like these- the adult tries to stand tall on very weak knees… trying not to give in to the tantrums of that little girl. I wish it was that easy to just be happy, because and despite of. I am. But unlike many who are able to go past sorrow and express happiness outright… Joy is within, trying really really hard to go past all these rumbling emotions of anger, sorrow, frustration, sadness. They’re all so jumbled together that one cannot simply go out without leaving the others behind/ one cannot leave the others by skipping over them. And if anybody asks me why, I dont know. I just feel as it is. I know where they’re coming from at the same time I don’t know where they’re coming from. For so long I’ve wondered on how I would feel, I would react… maybe I’ve kept so much of this for so long, I wish it was that easy.. really. I really really wish you were here Mutti, basking in all these!!! 😭💙 This is because of you and for you/Vati!

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