Two years ago, I wrote these lines as my mgatt for the fifth of January 2014- “Keep writing, you have such lovely stories to tell. Time and again, in not so many words and in not so many ways, Mutti keeps telling me that.”
For the past few years I may not have had time for other things, but on days I needed to think and write… I had to/ I have to think and write. Sometimes, with God’s grace, words just flow easily on the keyboard/ keypad. But on days when drought plagues us, it is also good to be able to accept the stillness of moments.
I was always a stickler for privacy. But I always felt I wanted to share these words I am writing for meine Mutti. MGATT IS PRIMARILY A SERIES OF POSTCARDS SENT TO HEAVEN. I have come to realize that the words I have written down are words inspired by Angels sent by Mutti herself- to keep fighting the good fight (warrior of the light).
Contrary to what others may presume, when I write something that seems too profound (even for myself), I am not writing them down as lecture notes for others. First and foremost, I am writing them down as a reminder for myself. I am writing them down as a reminder from Mutti herself. I am writing them down as a reminder from the Father himself. I’m not that good you know. 😇 But I’m always grateful for the appreciation through likes and kind words. L & G.
Some of these words I have opted to share, keeping in thought others who are going through grief (mostly) or some other thing. In writing, I am also sharing whatever Good meine Vati und meine Mutti has sowed within me.
Admittedly, we lived a fairly sheltered life. It is by our Parents’ example that we are able to grow in consciousness of the things around us, of the people who are beyond our sphere of safety, of experiences more compelling than those within our realm of thoughts. Through them, we see ourselves doing things even beyond our expectations.
I started writing (MGATT) by collecting words from people of far away places. Now, I’m slowly building a collection of memories of people closest to my heart. I think it is something Mutti would be happy about! Oh, and it should be something about history too! Remembering the letter I wrote addressed to the K’s in Taal, Batangas, I’ll always have that memory of Mutti beaming with excitement after reading it. That’s why, that’s why. I bet she feels all giddy every time I write about old people’s memories.
This is the most honest thing I could say after years of not talking about it- It is always easier to get mad at the world. (And you don’t want me mad.) Writing made attacks of grief and anger easier to deal with on most days. On some days, you just can’t help but succumb to it. Sometimes it makes you selfish too. But then good friends remind you that the world does not solely revolve around you. Everybody has his own shit to deal with. So you’ll just have to deal with it. Lol
Does it ever go away? Grief you say? No, no it does not. Like bears during winter, it hibernates at times. Then it sneaks up on you when you least expect it, you succumb to it when you most expect it. There’s no doing away with it. There’s just a way of dealing with the on and off bouts of grief. You learn in time. You become strong but at the same time you can’t help but be weak also.